Greetings in the name of the Lord!

Brothers and Sisters,

I'd like to give thanks to my Lord and Saviour Jesus Christ, for giving me His life in exchange for my sinful life. I want to praise God for His excellent mercy and for the grace He has bestowed upon my life in causing me to be His servant and with all of my heart.

I had the opportunity to travel to Haiti earlier this year for 10 weeks. I stayed at Haiti Children's Home working with the little ones, mothering them, washing diapers, walking them to school, and learning a lot about child training.

I want to return to teach.

Update from me. I've got lot's to tell.

Well, Hello!

It's been a while since I wrote, and while I don't think I have any viewers (at least not many) I will go ahead and write an update.

I was just flipping through my blog pages, as I have many, and found that I had actually mentioned Matthew in one. This one. I was sure I had erased any mention of him off the face of the internet, but alas... It's pretty silly now that I think about it. For one thing, I don't think anyone that knows him would be reading this or would even know I was talking about him for sure, and for another, why would I really care if he read it? So, I have a new proposal for myself and that is to keep everything out in the open. If I am ashamed, I should confess to the Lord and have him take my burden. If I am content, any one should have the right to know, for they will not be able to say naught against it. I've done a lot of growing since I wrote the entry below the one below, Christmas last year, At that point, I had risen from my shame in a lot of ways, but I was still learning what my true desires were, It's such a wonder to me that I have come so far. For a start, I have a verse for my friend Matthew.

"For I will give you a mouth and wisdom, which all your adversaries shall not be able to gainsay nor resist." - Luke 21:15 (Corrisponding with his birthday if you turn the 21 around.)

Before Summer began, I talked to Matthew on the phone a lot and was planning to Volenteer at the camp he was Volenteering at (not for that reason), but when it came down to it, Dad needed me at home and prayerfully I decided to stay home. I ended up going for two of the days and working in the cook shack. I talked to Matthew for a little while, then he introduced me to a couple of people as his friend Mary, but the third person he introduced me to as Martha, (which is my sister's name). He didn't notice, but after he was gone I told the lady my name was actually Mary. Matthew was tired and in his "command mode", but you know, it really busted my pride.

Every time I start thinking I'm special or that Matthew must count me highly, he loses some detail about me and I have to go figure. He was gone all summer to varias camps, and when he returned, we went on a short canoe trip with him and his brother Dan, (our family had a friend visiting from Washington and wanted to do something fun.) After that, Matthew was gone for 1 or 2 more weeks total. I talked to him on the phone for an hour or so about all of his adventures when he got back, and a couple of weeks ago I talked to him for a while.

In reality, there is nothing extra special here. Matthew is my friend and a brother in the Lord. I highly respect him, and appreciate his friendship. I have at times felt like he must be "the one" but I really don't know who the Lord has in mind for me. I just pray that the Lord would bless him and his future wife, and that I would treat him as I want other women to treat my future husband.

What's really been so strange to me lately, are the emotional flash backs. One thing that I find happening, is, I find myself in emotion, standing in a situation a couple of years ago when I was hurting and lonely and reaching out desperately for understanding. Places like Everett's front porch, crying my eyes out because he didn't love me any more. Or in the dark at Jewell's taking those steps toward suicide. It takes my breath away, then I have to inhale deeply, exhale and praise the Lord for his mercy and lovingkindness in bringing me here. In a matter of milliseconds I feel lost, and then found and joyfully so. I can't really describe it, but a few weeks ago I just started crying in the middle of a family meeting. I couldn't understand how I got here! It was like I was sitting in one scene and then, 2 years later, there I was. In regards to relationships, I continually praise the Lord for sparing me from so much more pain. I need only remember where he brought me from to realize I don't need to seek fulfillment with men. I don't need to have the attention of friends. When I lost all of my close friends, I felt abandoned, but the Lord raised me up, and He is my high tower of strength.

Escape to God; The invisible God

I picked up the book after 4 years. I'd read it then, and it changed my life. I didn't start from the beginning this time, I just opened it in the middle of a chapter. It was all familiure to me. How had I forgotten? Most of it was still in my head somewhere, but where was it in my life? Had I forgotten so easily? The love of adventure and dependance on God, where was it hiding in my busy life? Somehow had it all turned into my own thing. That's the trouble, just get so cought up in self and doing what I think God wants, without even asking him! I'm awakened. Do I really believe? Yes! I don't have to put my trust in things that are seen anymore! I can put my trust in the unseen God. The good part is, I don't miss out on anything but sin/death.

Requested...

Tuesday, January 24, 2006

Ah, my Cinderella Story...

Well, it happened on Christmas Eve. I worked the morning shift at my Coffee
Shop Job (Moxie Java). It had been busier than normal, and needless to say, I
was really tired when I got home. The Cantada practice was at 4:00 and it was
around 2:00 when I got home. I had thought we were opening presents that
evening, as we traditionally do, but I found out when I got home that we were
waiting until Christmas night because my sister and her family were going to
her husbands family gathering that evening. So much for that. I was a little
more disappointed to find out that the present my brother in-law and I bought
for her was going to be opened at his family thing instead of ours. (A
Vita-Mix). I don't know if it's a girl thing or what, but that one little
moment was really tough to swallow. I decided I needed a nap. Well, just as
soon as I reached my room I burst into tears. How childish! I quickly wiped
them away. "What should I wear tonight?" I thought, remembering I had
neglected to chose an outfit for the concert! Oh my... I layed on my bed
feeling quite sorry for myself, only for a few minutes, wondering what on
earth I should do. It was 30 minutes until I needed to leave, and I really
had no time for a nap. I gave my thoughts to the Lord, in a jumbled way "God,
I don't think I'll go tonight." I knew better, but I had to express myself.
When I did open my heart to his voice, I heard that still small, quiet voice.

"And why take ye thought for raiment? Consider the lilies of the field, how
they grow; they toil not, neither do they spin:"

It was a reminder for me. I asked "God, will you really help me find something
to wear?" Normally, I have a hard time finding something nice to where
somewhere special. Either I can't find anything or I can't decide what, and
30 minutes is just not enough time. Well, I felt refreshed, even without a
nap, so I crawled out of bed and practically stumbled on a nice skirt.
"Perfect!" then I remembered that my brother had brought some clothed from
his wife for us girls to go through. Well, there I found my Red Sweater. As
if this wouldn't do, the really cute shoes that my mom found somewhere the
day before were handy, and socks were findable. (Amazing!) It wasn't like it
was some huge miracle, but it was kind of an eye opener for me that if I will
put my trust in God, he will not leave me helpless. I considered myself like
"Cinderella" and God was going with me to the "ball".

OK, we arrived, had a horrible practice, everyone was nervous... We walked up
the isle singing (our grand entrance) and who did I see in the crowd? No
kidding, but someone I hadn't even thought possible to be there. Well, three
someones. Some of the older siblings of two children I teach guitar lessons.
I don't get to see the older girl very often, so it was nice. Any way, I
better fess up. The older young man, Matthew, holds me interested. I was very
happy at any rate, and Prince charming and all showed up...

The end.

Hitch Hiker

I picked one up! I've been doing crazy stuff. :) Actually, I almost ran out of gas on my way to work and I was really praying that I wouldn't, so when I saw a man with a gas can walking down the on ramp for the Interstate, on my way home later, I stopped and picked him up. He was a business man, about 35-40 and he was driving a van. Any way, I've had some real struggles about "do you really believe" lately, and I really don't know if I do. I mean, I believe, but not enough to make time stand still or the post office stay open late. Should I?

Any way, my new Home School Curriculum page is up, check it out Here

The Lord is good!

Wow, I made a recommitment to let God be in complete control of my life, and since then, I've been OUT of MY comfort zone several times. I am so happy! It's working. :) The other day, I got called into work, and I didn't want to go, but I went and can you guess what? I met some people, and invited them home for dinner! I can't believe I did that, but I'm so happy the Lord impressed me to do so. It was such a blessing to them, you wouldn't believe how encouraged they were. I have never done something like that before, and I could never do something like that. God just impressed me, and he helped me do what he'd asked.

I give up! It's nothing I can do, just God!

I'm having a good day.

It's cloudy. Off and on rainy. I went on a walk after breakfast, (which was waffles, made by Isaac) it rained for my walk, and I rescued a night crawler. The poor little helpless thing was out in the rain and he couldn't find his hole. So, I brought him home to my brother Luke, and he found him a place. He's a worm farmer you know. Right now he's got a red worm farm, and a night crawler farm. He makes us save all of our table scraps for them. I must admit, we've got a grand ol' compost pile! I can't wait to get a garden in.

So, I'm supposed to be cleaning house today with Fern, but she hasn't called and I haven't seen her. We have quite a project right now. We are cleaning up a house that hasn't been lived in for 6 months, and it's had mice and spiders. Oh well, it's been interesting. I enjoy working with her, she likes to listen to what's going on in my life, and she's always got some memory to connect it too. She likes to hear about Matthew, which I can't say for anyone else. I've pretty much quit talking about him, but now everyone else brings him up just to tease me.